The whole world says BLAH!!!!

So sue me , my English is shit...
So sue me , I don't give a shit....

It is 3:45 am I have spent the last few hours talking to my cousin on the phone in Australia. The last time I seen him was at my first wedding when I was 18, I am now 32 and divorced for the 2nd time, I miss my family deeply.
After the call to him I phoned my aunt in Australia. I could not tal long, she was at work we talked for a short time then made an appointed time to call her back later in the day her time (8am my time).
I could not sleep with all the things spinning in my head so I called my best friend in the whole wide world, she lives in Florida, no matter the time of day I know she will never turn me away, the tears started rolling, the snot started to run, the dribble never stopped.
My best friend the voice of reason, the sanity in my life.
After the talk to her I went for a walk with my dog, usually he is never up this late but I ACCIDENTALLY called his name and he was instantly awake so I went for a walks, in the forest at 3:30am in the morning in THE NETHERLANDS (Holland) not the safest thing to do I must say.
I was walking my dog who was the only one that seemed to he happy at 3am in the morning, as we went walking all I could hear was his footsteps in the frozen grass , all other noises were muffled out over the crisp snap of winter we have had over the last 48 hours.
My yearning for my family and the tug of war for my daughter have over powered my heart and Iam unsure of what direction I am meant to head in, even my leaps of faith are up in the air,
all mighty God where am I meant to turn?
What am I meant to do ?
was the clear sky and the crisp air a sign ?
was the car speeding down the dead end street the hint?
was my sleepness night a tale of things to come ?
Was the midnight air and restful peace my future?

We all set plans and dreams in motion but if you side track , who is really in control?

Tracey Ellis,
following the sight I see and the path that glows before me, is it the right or wrong thing to do? We shall see when the day comes.