The whole word says BLAH

It is past 4am here,
I have spend the last few hours on the phone,
I called my cousin I have not seen since I was 18, it was at my first wedding, he is a few years younger then me, I am now 32 and divorced my 2nd husband over 6 years ago.
After the call to my cousin that left him in shock I called my aunt that I have also not talked to in years, she was at work and we appointed a time that she would be home and I should call (8am my time)
Then calling my best friend in the whole wode world, I know she is there for me any time and day, tears running down my face, my head spinning like a beercap on rednecks tooth.
where do you turn in time when you have no family to hug ?

I miss my family and yearn to be home again and a family unit, but I am in a tug of war with my emotions, to give rights to my daughter to know her father, the man who tried to kill us, or to go home, to be with the people who have supported me and been there with me through everything even though they do not know my ex, or my daughter but been the fence, the support that lifts be up when I am feeling down.
I was not raised as a church going girl. I come from one of them families that only go to church when there is a wedding or a death in the family, just somewhere along the line I took a good turn but my questions now are

Am I going all about this the wrong way?
Is anyone hearing my cry for help as it is more them a whisper right now.
What the heck am I doing?
is there really a light at the end of the tunnel as all I am seeing is pitch black.

Tracey Ellis '

the ever so hard screaming lady from The Netherlands, trying to push in line to get an answer sooner!