DON'T

Never again, I repeat NEVER AGAIN!!!
This morning like every other morning I woke up, lucky world.
I threw on my jacket, slipped on some shoes and decided to take the garbage out while I walked the dog, I grabbed the container keys walked outside closed the door then thought FUCK!! Forgot the house keys!
So what do you do at just before 7am while locked out of the house with unbrushed hair , smelling morning break, PJ's on NO BRA and a black dog on the lead, TRY AND HIDE!!!
I do not live in such a busy area but between 7 and 9 the traffic gets busy as my street is a short cut to the "Philips"building so lots of computer nerds and IT specialists had something to talk about today, a lady with unbrushed hair PJ's on walking her dog round and round in circles.
I called Richards parents as his mother is usually awake at about 7, no luck today, I kept watching if my neigbour was awake they also have a spare key, also no such luck.
Walking around and around in circles with the dog running my fingers through my hair to try and make it look better, freezing my ears and nipples off which was no to bad as they were so hard they were cutting into my knees (oh yes I breast fed).
I had to do it, at just over 8am I woke the neighbour, I was about to die due to lack of caffeine, word to the wise, die due to lack of caffeine it is less traumatic as..... as..... **fake horror movie scream**
I was greeted at the door by a 70+ man in old saggy Y front, as if my day could not get any worse. I would have rather been poked in the eye with a burnt stick, He went and got the key for me I ran home tits slapping the kneecaps dragging the totally exhausted dog behind me and you would not believe it, he gave me the wrong key!! So not only did I get to go blind once by the Y fronts I had to knock on the door again!!!
I was wondering if it was worth it, but I knew I had to do it when a drop dead sexy guy went past on his bike and double took me so fast he just about lost control of his bike, I am sorry to all the employees of Philips who had to endure the fat, saggy tit, frozen eared lady this morning just think yourselves lucky I was not in my Snoopy PJ's and that you didn't have to see the Grandpa in his Y fronts!