Just another day of existing

Yesterday I called the child protection people again, talked to the lady who is handling my case, she was finding out some answers for me about if any of my side of the family can see my daughter. (for example my boyfriend of 6 years or his family)

The answer NO.

The explanation : It would not look good for me in court they said, a neutral friend to drop the gifts off to my daughter on her birthday that is ok but not a family member.

Mind you all my family actually live in Australia these are people I call family due to the fact I have known them for as long as I have lived in Europe. I just don't get it anymore, now the whole family is getting punished? This is just mind boggling unbelievable. In one of the last verdict the ruling was that I am not allowed to see my daughter so she can be reacquainted with her father, he did not want to see her while she lived with me and then I get punished because of it.

I am not innocent in the eyes of the court, as when they ruled that my daughter had to go live with the father I took the case to Amsterdam seeing I was now living in The Netherlands, I lost, the outcome was "we do not believe the father should have the child after reading all the investigations but we have to respect the outcome of Belgium" you see there is some stupid treaty that The Netherlands respects yet Belgium does not, My ex told everyone I kidnapped our daughter because I did not return her the day after the ruling... Hell no I was going to fight... not for my state of mind believe me my health and everything else is not good due to stress but for the best interest of our daughter. I really cant believe he is telling everyone I kidnapped her she was still in school, she was still doing all her sports , he called her here at my house and also she called him, he knew EXACTLY where she was all the time, because of him telling the court in Belgium I "kidnapped" her I am now treated like a crimial, I am only allowed to see my daughter in a neutral visiting room, the waiting list is 8 months but we have been able to "fast track" it and it might only be 2 or 3 months that on top of the months I have already not seen her the last time being boxing day 2005.

She asks daily when can I visit, I try to dodge the questions but the ex keeps TRYING to brainwash her against me. He has told her I do not want to see her again, she told me that her father said that, I asked her what she thought, she said "no mum I do not believe him I know you love me and I love you and I want to live with you but the judge will not let me, why will the judge not let me ? I wish I could tell her what her father says in court and that is why the judge has made this ruling but no it is not correct to drag our daughter in the middle even though the ex already has!

You know If I was not a capable mother I would grind my teeth, swallow my pride and not like to admit it but if I believed she was best off with her father I would let her live with him, no questions asked no 2nd thoughts but it is not the case. I believe that when you have a child you give up the right to be selfabsorbed, you give up the right to think of yourself only, as you have given your life away for your child your WANTS must take a backseat , many people do not see the different between a WANT and a NEED. I want my daughter yes, but she needs the best parent to be looking after her not because of selfish reasons, her best interest comes before ours.