Who's life ?

I have sat down and thought about life lately, there are so many parts to life to think about and it is hard to know where to start. The reason I have been thinking of life is because I just wonder what direction I want/need to head in also a friend of mine I want to slap a little because their thinking of life is very unhealthy for them.
So here I was standing in the shower, hair full of bubbles eyes closed the shower feeling like rain softly falling over my naked body the bubbles flowing down my soft skin, relaxing, smiling remembering being home standing under a waterfall in the tropics. When I think of nothing and am relaxed things just flow softly through my head unlike the gridlock it usually experiences like a peak hour traffic race to get home.
Then it hit me like a sledge hammer, ME! that is it ME! life is all about me, it is "my life" I do not owe anyone, I owe myself to be happy, to be healthy and in turn it will flow onto others.
For many many years I was not worrying about myself my daughter and others, I would get up go to work only think about the next thing the ex would do and in turn that made me think of my daughter and to protect everything we had and to try to control it! So I would work myself into the ground to get the money to save for my daughter for the next court appearance, make sure she had EVERYTHING she wanted, yes I see it now, I spoilt her, gave her everything I did not have as a child, she had cloths bursting out of the cupboard, shoes, Not many toys like barbie or cars as we use to go out a lot, though loads of books and educational things/toys, after that world fell apart I went into a deep depression, I put on a lot of weight even though I keep using the excuse of my accident as the main reason for my weight, which it does have something to do with it but how long can one have an excuse that happened many years ago?
I have no excuse for why I have not thought of myself in my life, I have been in a deep depression, I have been on the edge of a mental and physical breakdown and yes I had support from some friends but the only person that can lead my life is ME, not control I learnt the hard way you cant control life, there are just somethings in life you can not control, one has to take the best out of a bad situation and deal with it, learn from it.
My life is exactly that My Life I do not owe anyone in this world anything, that does not mean I am a heartless bitch, it means I need to choose very carefully who I want in MY LIFE, I do not need energy drainers in my life, I should not have to feel obligated to anyone.
Yes I am a mother, I chose for that and I am lucky I am a mother who has a great kid and I feel honoured to have her in my life and that she wants to be in mine, that I cherish greatly, it is also the same with my friends. I have a selected few friends that have that title as not everyone I know is a friend, I think I can could maybe name 5 who have the title friend, 1 has the title best friend and I am once again honoured to have them in my life. They add positive vibes in my life, never draining me not even when they are on a downer and depressed, that is what friends are for, a shoulder to leave on, to carry you when you can not walk any further.
I think I would actually be upset if one of my friends did not call on me when they need me, I do not care if it is 2am in the morning, call me I am always there for you, I do not give the title friend to any tom dick or harry, I have chosen you for a reason as you have chosen me, we have qualities that enrich each other, add to each other do not deny me of my "duty" as a friend and it is a duty I love respect and honour.
Living in this world where everyone is our for themselves, "In a selfish way" I just want people to know looking after yourself is not selfish even though sometimes it might feel like it. You may love family but you owe them nothing, you may love your lover but you owe them nothing, you may love your friends but you owe them nothing, not if they are draining you and running you into the ground, sit and think about it, would a family member, a lover, a friend only take take take and drain you, run you into the ground and break you if they really cared and love you?
Self love, caring for number 1 YOU is what life is all about, surround yourself with the positive and the negative is just a mud puddle to jump over.
The reason I sat and thought about this blog is because I know a certain someone (or 2) that feel they owe people and I slowly see them self destructing and it upsets me greatly, know someone loves you, know someone is here for you to carry now, you are no burden I assure
Yes they are words from my all time favourite song I think of a curtain person when I hear this song and it makes me cry why ? I am not totally sure, maybe because I wish they would be strong enough to just let go, but the trust in the friendship to the test, let me carry them for a while it takes a stronger person to let go of their feelings/emotions to stand up for themselves then a person to put on a mask and do what people expect from them, remember its YOUR LIFE, it was never meant to be easy this thing called life, but that is why we have friends, to help you through them bad times and believe me when I say it, there is a brighter future and how bad can the travelling be in the dark times when you have a friend to take over for you and carry you? really how bad can it be? be strong, be yourself and if you find yourself weak call me ANYTIME, I am a phone call away, and maybe a drive or flight away.

So to close here are some lines I pulled out of my song,
"Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down"
Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you, forever in me
Ever the same.

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only
give you love
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me"