Yes right happy mothers day for yesterday, well bugger off, mine has been far from happy!
Saturday I had to call my daughter because her father will never let her call me! then she said she was having her communion on Sunday (Mothers Day) but as she was saying it, she stopped herself from finishing the words. From the background I heard her grandmother screaming at her "I told you , you where not to tell your mother that, why did you do that, hang up the phone now your conversation is over."
Well other then the fact that our daughter has lived with me most of her life when did she get baptized? My ex never got the ok from me. Did he do it on one of her weekend visits to him? My ex is Catholic and very very close to the minister of their church. It would not suprise me if they have gone against the rules seeing I am an outsider, from the church and also the country.
As mean as it sounds I want to write a letter, but to whom? the Pope? the Bishop? Who ?
I really do not mind if my daughter has communion, but I expect to be told about it and even invited! When our daughter went to school, I okayed it with her father. Her sports also; everything. I let him have an input but with him I hear nothing and I'm not involved. He is even trying to stop me from seeing her all together! And NO WAY should a 6 year old be told to shut up and don't tell mummy this or that, your confusing a child and teaching them to hide things and to be scared to talk about things.
So after the phone call ended I went to my room and cried my eyes out, I could not believe what I heard from her grandmother, also the fact that she hits my daughter and there is NOTHING I can do about it.
I just cant believe all of this has happened. I have done nothing wrong but because I am not a Belgian citizen, my rights as a mother has been cancelled. Ok that is how it feels. Let the truth be known; I moved 2 hours away from where my ex was living and just because it was over the border the Belgian court said, "We do not want a Belgian child to live in The Netherlands, The judge ruled AGAINST all the social reports, all the child protection investigations (which state my ex has no idea what to do with a child). For goodness sakes when she was with him over vacation and she got an anal and vaginal infection because her father said (and let me get the child protection report) and I quote "she is a girl and I am a man I will not clean it, see it or touch it". For goodness sakes it is also YOUR child. If a child needs to be clean she has to be cleaned regardless of where the cleaning needs to be done. On top of that, he is not even looking after her. Every monday she is put in daycare at 7am because his mother (who lives with him during the week) does not want to get up early to take her to school!
If he wants his child so much and has dragged me though the courts for 5 years, then why is his job more important then her? Why does his mother move in during the week to cook and clean and SLEEP IN!!
He leaves so early and is home when she is in bed. I just dont understand! I work during school hours, my daughter didnt even know I worked most of the time, I took her to school at 8:30am, I picked her up at 3pm and took her to all her sport. I had a halfway house with all the children who visited and I loved it.
Now, its silent, quiet, and still. I hear nothing but the wind in the trees and it is my little girl crying. The day I told her she had to go to live with her father, she cried and she begged. She changed that day. She was not the happy little monster I knew and since that day, Boxing Day, I have not seen her. She begs and cries on the phone. Her father says it is ok to visit but when the time comes he calls the police and says I am trying to kidnap her then tells her that I DO NOT want to see her. I am lucky that she is smart and knows the truth. When she knew she had to go live with her father she said to me, "mummy I know I will never see you again because dad says that all the time. He is not a nice person"
At 6 years old, will she forget me?
Why does she have to live with a stranger who REFUSED to see her for 10 months?
Why is the judge so racist and blind?
Why does it matter I was born elsewhere?
Why does the country I live in HAVE TO keep thier mouth shut and respect the outcome from a another court and country because of so called respect and a treaty even though they see the reports and think the child is in danger but thier hands are tied
Oh yes this was about mothers day. So why was my mothers day bad?
Because I was not acknowledged as a mother. I visited everyone else's mother and bought them gifts. Only 2 people said to me "I know it is not happy but.. Happy Mothers Day"
Ok, truth be known I didnt want to celebrate it but to be recognized as a mother would have been nice
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7 comments:
Screw the "ex". The fact remains that no matter who acknowledges it and no matter what countries choose to impose stupid laws...you are forever her mother and she knows how much you love her and there will come a day, and hopefully soon, when she will be able to have a voice in all of this and she'll be able to tell the courts who she wants to be with. Until then, just focus on staying strong and keeping up the fight. The day will come when people will see the "ex" for what he really and truly is.
Do you have any rights, such as visitation rights? Since it sounds like your ex has full custody, I'm sure that legally you don't have any rights regarding her baptism, but there might be some clause that they're supposed to inform you about important things.
If you want to write a letter of complaint to some church body, try researching on the internet what the rank is of the minister, and who his supervisor would be (such as bishop or whatever), and write to that supervisor. It might be better to talk with that person face-to-face if they're not too far from you, then the "mother being pushed away" aspect could be played up. Don't be surprised though if they counter claim that as a non-Catholoic you don't have any rights over her religious upbringing, not even to attend her baptism or whatever.
Good luck!
zandperl, Thank you for your comment. My ex is meant to inform me of things involving our daughter it is co-parenting, I was not allowed to visit her for 5 months, the stupid reason why was because her father did not see her for 10 months and they had to get to know eachother again, so he refuses to see her for 10 months, and I get punished for it, yet she cries and screams down the phone wanting to visit me she always tells me "mum what did I do wrong? why am I getting punished, why cant I see you".
As for the church things like I said I am only really upset I was not invited and he has done it all behind my back, yes legally I cant do anything, I can bring it up in court to prove he is not giving me any input at all even though it is co-parenting, contacting the church and things as such I can do a lot, then again if you see some of the things the catholic church has turned a blind eye to it would not suprise me if nothing happens!
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I was attracted by the Vegemite jar and stayed on to read your other posts when I came across this one, which has touched my heart.
Being the father of seven children you’d think I wouldn’t miss one if it was taken from me (just kidding), but believe me I can empathize with what you must be going through.
If I may be so bold as to make a suggestion, and you may well be doing this anyway, but I would be sitting myself down on a regular basis, say once a fortnight or once a month, and I would write a letter to my daughter appropriate to her age.
My letters would not be filled with my problems or my bitterness, but filled with love, fun, light hearted anecdotes, wishes, dreams and all the other things a young girl would like to read about her mother’s day to day life and dreams. So as time went by my letters would keep pace with her growth and the changes in her interest, but they would always express my love and hopes for her and they would in the main, be positive letters. Even if I thought that they may never be read, I would be writing them as much for myself as for her.
Then I would file the letters away until such time as I could give them to her. The day will come when she will gain an independent understanding of how things went between you and your ex, and of course she may well be an adult by then, but the day will come, and I’m sure she would treasure the letters that will give her a little bit of her missed childhood to hang on to.
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